Why can´t I get this right?

Will i ever make it? When? How? Who?
Why can´t I get this right?
I am 36 yo, and again I am alone. 7 months, and I am alone.

I have a temper, I have a bank account. I have a home, of my own, and no one willing to use the key.

I have needs, and bad days too. Like anybody else.
I have flaws and I have limits, I have boundaries, which I much too frequently break to make something work. Not enough, never good enough for anybody. I can be good, and I can me a bitch when I want to, when I am teased, or when I am trying to ruin something (yes, I do that).

All I want is to be loved. I want to be needed, and be taken care of from time to time. Inside me, way deep, there is this little girl wanting to be remembered, afraid of being forsaken, afraid of being left alone.

I want to be able to fully forgive, and be forgiven too. I want a family, but I want to travel too, to enjoy life and visit as much places as I possibly can, learn about other cultures, meet different people, make a difference in somebody´s life, and keep them having good thoughts of me when I am not around anymore.

I want to be alive, and not having to apologize for having some money and some power, just because I am a woman, and we are not supposed to have this stuff before our man does.

I want to be free, but what is real freedom when all your past, choices, raising, background and culture are holding me down, pushing me far, making me think and feel and do stuff that I wouldn´t if I haven´t got so much fucking baggage.

So maybe I am not a fit for anybody, because I ‘m not a fit for myself. What is the fight of life all about, anyway?